Tag Archives: penn state

The Week in Tweets – September 9, 2016

T.G.I. Friday and T.G.I. Football! Not only does the NFL regular season kick-off in earnest this Sunday, but Heinz Field will really be rockin’ tomorrow when Pitt squares off against PSU in a college football rivalry that’s been dormant for over fifteen years.

My wife is a Penn State grad, whereas I am a University of Pittsburgh alum, so my three-year old son’s loyalties are split down the middle. Will he root for the hometown Panthers, or curry favor with his Mama by cheering on her Nittany Lions?

My prediction is that he’ll sit through about two minutes of the game before yelling for the television channel to be switched over to Nickelodeon. In my son’s eyes, no real-life sporting event can compare with watching The Adventure Bay All-Stars take on the Foggy Bottom Boomers in the Paw Patrol episode “Pups Save a Basketball Game.” Even though he’s seen it 1,273 times, it’s always a nail-biter!!

Alright, enough football (and dog basketball) talk. Let’s get to an all-new, all-different Week in Tweets!

5 – tie) Sweatpants Cher (@House_Feminist)

a fun thing about being a parent is when people ask “where do you see yourself in 5 yrs?” you can confidently answer “folding laundry” 

LIMEARITA PAPI (@arealgdtime)

Bought a shirt instead of doing laundry

I’m almost to the point of laziness where I eschew shopping AND laundering and just stop wearing clothes.

4) Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom)

Establish dominance over the other moms on Facebook by posting 2nd day of school pictures.

The amount of photos taken of kids by their parents these days is astronomically greater than back when I was a child. Personally, I’m averaging about two-thousand pics of my son a year. From birth to high school graduation, I’m going to estimate the number of polaroids taken of me by my parents to be closer to a hundred…total. Does that mean that my parents’ generation didn’t love their kids as much as we do now? Yes. Yes, it does…

3) Simon Holland (@simoncholland)

*tries to wave goodbye to the genie without spilling my 3 giant milkshakes*

If I ever encounter a magical genie who grants me three wishes, I’m definitely asking for (1) a cure for cancer, (2) world peace, and (3) the ability to eat unlimited breadsticks without ever having to set foot in an Olive Garden.

2) beth loves cake, so (@bourgeoisalien)

If I could have dinner with anybody living or dead I’d pick the dead guy. Then I’d order two dinners and eat both. Fuck that guy. He’s dead

I’m now going to amend my three wishes to include “dinner with dead Abraham Lincoln.” Sorry world peace.

1) Sean’s Ramblings (@seansramblings)

I think that my speed and amount of land covered to prevent my son’s wiffleball from going under a car would rival most MLB outfielders.

There should be a Dad Olympics where fathers can compete in such real-life tests of skill such as:

  • preventing balls from rolling under cars
  • navigating a packed Target while pushing a shopping cart full of cat litter and carrying a tantrum-throwing toddler who refuses to sit in the child seat
  • stepping on Legos and not swearing and/or taking the Lord’s name in vain

Go Pitt! Go Penn State! Go Steelers! Go Sports! Have a wonderful weekend everybody!


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The Week in Tweets – August 29, 2014

Hooray! It’s a three-day weekend! Let’s start it off the right way with an all-new Week in Tweets!

5) rodeo kitten (@rodeokitten)

Is “Beyoncé hangover” an acceptable excuse for being late to work

Yes, and so is “Ariana Grande diarrhea”…

4) Charlie Hauser (@Harold_Skimpole)

The #wedgie factor in these #underwear is off the charts.

I would definitely watch a tv show called the Wedgie Factor over Fear Factor, O’Reilly Factor or The X Factor…

3 – tie) Misstlovestrinkets (@mstluvstrinkets)

A 26.2 bumper sticker but for how many pints of ice cream I’ll eat this year.

Courtney McFadden (@catnjazz)

I have consumed 7 popsicles in the last 6 hours.

That’s an impressive rate 196 popsicles per week! I can barely average a Nutty Buddy per day!

2) Babe Walker (@whitegrlproblem)

What’s Ariana Grande?

I heard it’s a type of diarrhea…

1) Heather Poole (@Heather_Poole)

Was just asked to join a fantasy football league. I can’t even name 5 teams. Dallas Cowboys, Houston Oilers, NY Giants, Pittsburgh Penguins

My fantasy football draft is this afternoon and I’m headed out the door now. I’ve probably researched and prepared more for this event than I did for the birth of my son. Wish me luck!

Below is a pic of Rachel cheering on her beloved Steelers. Yay sports!

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The Week in Tweets – March 15

Another weekend, another baby shower. This time it’s the Pittsburgh edition with the FIV* household serving as a hotel for out-of-town attendees. Two of my wife’s college roommates are going to be staying with us, and although they’re great, I’m not looking forward to having to wear pants all weekend. Oh well, maybe Bhawoh and LaVar** won’t mind me chillaxin’ on the couch in my underwear…I guess there’s only one way to find out. Before I get these pants off, let’s get on to an all-new, all-different Week in Tweets!

* My twitter handle is @AlexanderFIV because my last name starts with an “F” and I’m the 4th (IV). I would’ve used my real surname, but it contains a pseudonym for penis and I was worried that people would think I was a porn-bot.

** My wife obviously went to Penn State. 

11) Jill S @Springtime01

“Ham is the worst”

Yes, ham is the worst. Stay tuned to find out what’s the best!

10) Sean’s Ramblings @seansramblings

“Did the Vatican make any free agent signings today? Are they interested in Keenan Lewis to play corner?”

It was huge news earlier this week when the Vatican replaced Pope Benedict XVI with Wes Welker. This signing then caused the New England Patriots to get Danny Amendola to fill the spot left open by Welker’s departure*. No word yet on where Don Beebe, Ricky Proehl and Joe Jurevicius** will end up.

* In a surprising move, Jay Glazer just reported that the St. Louis Rams are actually trying to lure Pope Benedict XVI out of retirement to take Amendola’s place. However, the negotiations have been held up due to Benedict’s insistence of only playing for the Saints.

** Also one of my wife’s roommates from college.

9) Jessica Danielle @Jess_bbt

“Either there’s a midget in the washer or it’s out of balance. Lol”

“Is that a midget in your washer or are you just happy to see me?” #lol

8) Brian Hope @Brianhopecomedy

“Well this is awkward. Apparently when my wife’s friend invited me over for a play-date I was supposed to bring my kids.”

I’m having a hard time coming to grips with the idea of a “play-date”. Why can’t I just drop my kid off at someone’s house to play and then go do something I want to do? I mean, I already spend half of my waking hours talking to people I’m not particularly interested in at work so why would I do more of the same thing for free? Oh well, no one said parenting* would be easy…

* Parenting Ain’t Easy is the worst Big Daddy Kane song ever…

7) 0x20 @cynulation

“Man vs Food probably not a good choice while on the elliptical. Oh, Cosby Show, this will work.”

All of the treadmills at my gym have their own televisions. Unfortunately, I recently ended up on one that wouldn’t change channels, and it just happened to be stuck on Bravo. The confluence of watching “It’s a Brad, Brad World” in close-captioning while listening to Rick Ross on my iPod made for the most disorienting four miles I’ve ever ran in my life. I felt like Marnie when she got trapped in that torture box of tv’s

6) Daniel Lindgren @ozzyloomis

“my friend thought macaroni and cheese was spelled as “macaronian cheese” for his whole life”

Macaronian Cheese sounds like the name of an obscure Star Wars character.

5) katrina @ohhkatrina

“told the hotel we didn’t have an ice bucket. found it after they brought a new one. now I have to steal one so I don’t look so stupid.”

“Is that an ice bucket under your robe or are you just happy to see me?” #lol

4 – tie) Mar Renée Pacella @Naywatch

“Today my 18 month old nephew chased down the bomb sniffing dog at the airport…security was not happy.”

Trevor Pitt @Trevor_Pitt

“I hate CGI babies. Real babies are cool though.”

For the record:

CGI babies = lame

Real babies = cool

Bomb-sniffing dog-sniffing babies = badass

3) InsaneZain @mostinsanezain

“Katy Perry: Part of Me is at a 77% on rotten tomatoes. Damn, that movie did better with critics than I’m doing in school. How depressing.”

Answer: A report card.

Question: Where is the only place that you do NOT want to see double-d’s.

2) Kristen Faye @mileybonghits

“Some kid came out of the bathroom and said his shit looked like a hut. If I don’t tweet later I’m dead from laughing”

My wife once came out of the bathroom and said her sh*t looked like a foot. She was beaming with pride since apparently this isn’t an easy thing to do. I don’t usually inspect my waste post-haste, but I’m going to start soon in case I’m missing out on something noteworthy.

1) Rob Timo @OmitBob

“Dancing on tables is the best.”

There you have it! Ham is the worst and dancing on tables is the best. Plan your life accordingly!

Below is a pic of Oscar trapped in the basement. Both of my wife’s friends are allergic to cats so Oscar and Rachel are persona non-grata upstairs until Sunday. Lucky for them ESPN is simulcasting the Big East tournament so they can still watch it on their iPads. Have a great weekend everybody!!


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The Week in Tweets – July 13

Reaction to the Freeh report dominated Twitter yesterday with the overall resposnse amounting to a collective disapproving head-shake. Luckily, there were still a plethora of entertaining observations and confessions that didn’t involve that horrible story and we’ve got a good list for you today. Here go the tweets of the week!

5) Kailey @quaileyrevi

“I need a sugar daddy.”

I liked Sugar Daddies when I was a kid, but I was always much more in need of a Charleston Chew. Their seemingly scarce availability coupled, with their tough yet delicious nougat* center, made them a treat I felt I could never get enough of. 

* Nougat is a great name for a dog, rabbit or gerbil. Feel free to use it.

4) emily. @pointfivejew

“Just another turd float in the parade of assh*les.”

If there ever is a real parade of assh*les, I bet the participants would sit atop Iroc Z’s while marching bands played along to Chris Brown’s Look At Me Now. Here go a quick list of people that I nominate to take part whenever the first ceremonial pageant recognizing douchebaggery occurs:

– Mr. Saras, my 11th grade Calculus teacher

– Noel – some black dude I went to middle school with

– Regina George – some mean girl I went to high school with

– Bill – a redneck guy I worked with who somehow worked the n-bomb into every conversation

– That dog up the street who always barks at me despite seeing me everyday

3) D. Ceased @DoctorSeese

“Man I haven’t shaved my legs in years (ever). These puppies are hairy”

I shaved my legs once when I dressed up as a woman for Halloween. I ended up wearing pantyhose (or what you Brits call tights) so it was all for naught. Regardless, I’m glad I did it because I found that it made me even more empathetic to the plight of women who succumb themselves to time-consuming, near-torturous routine rituals due to societal mores and parochial concepts of beauty. Being a dude, I just have to splash some water on my face and apply a little deodorant after waking up before I can present myself to society. All this takes less than five minutes and I still end up looking like a million bucks. Sorry ladies.

2) audrey @fennpgh

“new parents: get yourselves to petco and buy a laser pointer and some cat toys. your baby is essentially a cat but probably dumber.”

I think I read that same piece of advice in Heidi Murkoff’s latest book “Expecting Expectations that are Expectably Expectant”.

1) Sara G. @MsBossyNoPants

“I’m going to sleep 457899653214568996533457789 hours tonight. I hope.”

If Sara G. were to sleep that long, she would wake up sometime in the year 52,237,016,053,120,000,000,000. Mad Men would be ready to start its 9th season, cats would be teasing us with laser pointers, and construction would finally be wrapping up on Route 28.

Although I matriculated at the University of Pittsburgh, the majority of my loved ones are Penn Staters. Though my wife, father-in-law and best bud Matthew all went there, the most fervent supporter I know is my cat Oscar. Though deeply saddened by the recent events, he’s vowed to continue to support his alma mater because of all the great work their teachers and students have done to make this world a better place. Whenever he hears someone exclaim “WE ARE”, he will forever respond with a “MEOW MEOW!”

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Pittsburgh Weekend Activities – September 21

This weekend brings the second and last opportunity to go to the Penn Brewery Oktoberfest.  However, I don’t advise going if you have plans early the following day because its impossible to consume a 64 ounce jug o’ beer and wake up the next morning at your best.  I was there last Friday and had a really fun time but I paid the price on Saturday.  The available food options aren’t great however spätzle and schnitzel do provide a solid foundation to lessen the effects of the flood of alcohol on your system.  There’s a reason why most cities have numerous Italian and Mexican restaurants but very few German cuisine proprietors.  Not many people sit down for dinner and think “Boy, could I go for a big plate of gigantic oddly-colored sausages.”

If you’re more interested in southern Europe, Bloomfield is hosting its annual Little Italy Days celebration all weekend.  This three-day festival is full of activities including plenty of traditional Italian music, food, and of course Catholic mass.  On the other end of the religious spectrum is a special Friday evening screening of the movie Hellraiser at the Oaks Theater in Oakmont.  Not only can you view this classic horror film on the big screen you can also see the actor who played Pinhead in person as he will be making an appearance.  I really loved Hellraiser and all things Clive Barker when I was a kid and always wanted my own Lament Configuration. Even though solving the puzzle box always led to someone having their flesh ripped apart by hooks, it usually still helped its owner get laid and that was definitely an activity worth risking death for when I was thirteen years old.

I won’t be able to partake in any of the above events because I’m traveling to State College for the weekend to watch the Penn State Nittany Lions take on the Eastern Michigan Eagles.  I went to the University of Pittsburgh for my undergrad and I currently attend Pitt for my masters so I love the Panthers but I root for PSU football as well*.

While the majority of my high school friends went to Pitt, my buddy Cornbread** deviated from the rest of us and headed to Penn State.  I always had a great time when I made the trip to visit him however one particular evening was especially memorable.  After a night of partying around campus, our group split up and most of us headed back to Cornbread’s apartment while Royal T and DJ Manimal ventured out to find cigarettes.  About an hour they showed up at Cornbread’s place with about eighty packs of smokes.  Apparently they happened upon a cigarette vending machine in a twenty-four hour laundromat that someone else had recently smashed into.  After briefly assessing the situation, they decided the most prudent course of action was to stuff as many packs of cigarettes as possible down their pants and high-tail it out of there before the authorities arrived.

At first everyone was elated with the score but much like a classic bank heist movie, back-stabbing and petty cigarette hoarding quickly turned us against each other. Fortunately the long car ride home calmed our tempers and we were back to having fun and chain smoking stolen cigarettes within no time.  Looking back, what Royal T and DJ Manimal did was technically grand larceny since the value of the cigarettes was over the mnimum dollar limit so it probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do.  But, then again neither is smoking.

* Not that I really have much of a choice since my wife, father-in-law, and 4/6th’s of my wedding party matriculated at Penn State.  My wife even dresses my cat up in a PSU bandana during football season.

** I’m going to use my friends rap names in this story instead of their government names to protect their identities.  Inspired by the Wu-Tang Clan, we formed a rap group when I was younger called “The Usual Suspects”.  If you don’t know, now you know….

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