Tag Archives: parenting

The Week in Tweets – July 29, 2016

It’s Friday! Let’s get on to an all-new Week in Tweets before we blink ours eyes and it’s time to go back to work!

5) courtney (@CourtneySanto)

Could someone please tell me why the Thong Song is in my head????

Maybe it’s because you like to dance on the hip-hop spots and cruise to the groove like connect the dots?

4) Untastic Mr. Fitz (@UnFitz)

If I say “I’m pretty,” it’s not narcissism. I just haven’t quite finished a sentence that will eventually end with “tired.”

I’m pretty…narcissistic.

3 – tie) katrina (@ohhkatrina)

there have got to be more alternate spellings of “Caitlyn” than any other name in the world. I can’t keep up.

Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass)

You can tell a lot about a person by the name they choose for their baby.

My wife is expecting a baby girl in November and we’ve narrowed it down to four choices – Rose, Dorothy, Sophia or Blanche…

2) WendyDarling (@wendchymes)

I’m gonna open a gym in my home for millennials and charge them to do fitness challenges like-

Swiffer the stairs or empty the dishwasher.

You should also make them pay you to wax your car and paint your house and call it a karate class!

2) Damien Owens (@OwensDamien)

I hear you, Sanders supporters who plan to vote Trump. One time I asked for Coke but they only had Pepsi, so I set fire to my head.

I think that’s what happened to Michael Jackson back in ’84…

1) Hitmonjake (@jake_likes_naps)

*describes my ideal pizza on my dating profiles About Me section*

I also wrote “large pepperoni” in my Match.com About Section but I wasn’t talking ‘bout pizza!!

Below is a Prisma-filtered pic of Oscar and Rachel snuggling. Have a wonderful weekend everybody!

wt

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The Week in Tweets – July 8, 2016

T.G.I. Friday!!! I’m rolling into the weekend fresh off a recent trip to Chicago for a family vacation. We had a good time, but as it is whenever you go on a trip with a toddler, it really wasn’t that relaxing of an experience.

As it turns out, going on a vacation with a kid in tow is kind of like getting a salad for dinner. Even if it has the freshest iceberg lettuce, creamiest blue cheese crumbles and most balsamic-est vinaigrette, it still isn’t a Crisp Braised Pork Shank, a Wing-O-Rito or Bang Bang Shrimp Tacos.

Regardless of the fact that my vacation days were less “wasting away in Margaritaville” and more “waking up at 7am to watch Paw Patrol”, we still had a lot of fun. I even found enough downtime to finish Daredevil Season 2, which I started watching wayyy back in March (#SpoilerAlert – Doctor Manhattan is behind everything!).

All right, enough complaining about my #FirstWorldProblems. Let’s get to an all-new, all-different Week in Tweets!

7) Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22)

If sitcoms in the 90’s taught me anything, it’s that a fat guy can marry a hot wife.

Or he can team-up with Jake to solve crimes!

6 – tie) Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective)

Which is worse: that I had to wear a Frozen bandaid cuz all the regular ones were taken or that I spent 5 min. deciding between Anna & Elsa?

Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom)

If there’s profession that involves pulling tampons out of a box and scattering them in a hallway, my toddler is going to make us rich.

I’m starting to think that my son is secretly bankrolled by Big Pharma. Whenever he needs a band-aid, he always rips open and discards at least thirty of them onto the bathroom floor before he finds one worthy enough to be applied to his boo-boo.

5) Ian Valentine (@IanValentine11)

I hope all of my teacher friends are having, and will continue to have, a terrible summer vacation.

I was talking to my sister (who’s a middle school principal) last week and she was going on and on about how the rainy weather has really been cutting into her pool days. I responded by telling her that I didn’t even know what the weather was like outside because I spend the majority of my daylight hours IN A WINDOWLESS CUBE FARM. The only things that I’ll be swimming in this summer are pivot tables so she’s definitely not getting any sympathy from me.

4) goose (@bryisms)

Think it’s a nap-in-the-shower kind of day

With what’s been going on in the world lately, it’s becoming a nap-in-the-shower year…

3) ♥ (@SMASEY)

Being fat has saved me from ever experiencing mono, STDs, or teen pregnancy.

The historically low levels of teenage pregnancy is the silver lining of America’s childhood obesity epidemic… #ThanksObama

2) beth loves cake, so (@bourgeoisalien)

the saddest part about self driving cars will be all the times people die mid trip and then ur dinner guests or pizza guy will arrive dead

I would be extremely sad if I ordered a pizza and it showed up along with a dead pizza guy. But not so sad that I wouldn’t eat the pizza of course. I mean, I wouldn’t want his death to stand for nothing now would I?

1) gokitty (@goKitty)

Ate some sketchy burrata from the back of my refrigerator. Details to follow.

“Sketchy Burrata” has replaced Nacho Libre as my favorite name for a Mexican wrestler.

Below is a picture of Oscar and Rachel snuggling. Have a wonderful weekend everybody and please be safe out there!

wit

 

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The Week in Tweets – June 3, 2016

Let’s Go Pens! Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get on to an all-new Week in Tweets!

9) Buck4itt (@buck4itt)

We’re all just two or three Instagram filters from being the person we really want to be.

Do Instagram filters work on personalities? I could really benefit from X Pro II putting a nice soft edge on my passive-aggressiveness…

8) mark (@TheCatWhisprer)

Any time I see someone at my job with bad hair or makeup I immediately assume that person is an Undercover Boss.

I used to think that too but unfortunately it always just turns out to be someone from IT…

7) beth loves cake, so (@bourgeoisalien)

There should be a museum of good places to sit.

Yes! My first thought whenever I leave my house to go anywhere is “when can I sit down”.

6) Martin Munson (@wickedimproper)

Interview:

“Can you hold scissors?”

“yes”

“Welcome to SuperCuts”

Despite being known as the Arby’s of hair salons, I would have given anything for my parents to have taken me to SuperCuts when I was a kid. Alas, a combination of parsimony and blind faith in his own barbering skills meant that my Dad gave me the majority of my adolescent haircuts.

Compounding the disaster was the fact that I came of age in the 90s. I got to live through everything from the Joey Lawrence bowl cut to the Jaromir Jagr mullet to the shaved lines of Vanilla Ice…temples AND eyebrows! My Mother even joined in on the fun once and gave me a perm.

Though they saved a lot of money by avoiding hair salons, it’s now costing me thousands in therapist bills to deal with the childhood trauma…

5) ♥️ (@SMASEY)

I went into defense mood at this buffet and took every available crab rangoon and now I have entirely too many crab rangoons please help

“Too many crab rangoons” is definitely my new favorite #FirstWorldProblem…

4) Dirt McTurd (@DirtMcTurd)

Remember when people were excited about True Detective season 2, and then it came out LOL

I heard that the plot of True Detective Season 3 involves two neighboring county sheriffs in Arizona (played by Kevin Coster and Jennifer Lopez) joining forces to get to the bottom of whatever the hell True Detective Season 2 was about…

3) The Hay King (@btherr18)

Nothing better than a free cookie, but nothing worse than a bad cookie. On the whole, I don’t know how to feel about this free, bad cookie.

Free food actually don’t have any calories so I recommend that you always eat it regardless!

2) Paul Johnson (@thegoodgreatsby)

“Dance like there’s nobody watching.

Because your dance recital is the same time as your brother’s baseball game and we’re going to that.”

My son is only three so I’ve got a few years before every weekend becomes a continuum of scheduled activities and trust me, I am not looking forward to it. It’s not that I don’t want to support him, I do, I really do, just from afar. It’s the same stance that I take on all of the world’s affairs. I mean, I’m not actually going to vote or volunteer or do anything tangible to make the world a better place, but I am the first one to cheer when something good happens.

1) James Harness (@JamesHarness)

Don’t trust anyone who doesn’t know what it’s like to sleep a whole summer without air conditioning! They don’t know anything.

The best part of being rich is that I can afford for someone other than my Dad to cut my hair. The second is central air…

Below is a picture of Rachel and Oscar face-to-face snuggling. Have a wonderful weekend everybody!

or1

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The Week in Tweets – May 6, 2016

The best part of this weekend already is the fact that I don’t have to wake up at 4:30am to run 13.1 miles in the rain like I did last Sunday. Don’t get me wrong, Pittsburgh Marathon weekend is one of my favorite times of the year. Especially this year since my son won his first medal in the Toddler Trot on Saturday, after which we took advantage of the beautiful weather by meandering around the Strip District and carbo-loading on Bella Notte pizza.

Regardless, sleeping in on the weekend is really just the best thing in the world. Seriously, 90% of the reason that I don’t subscribe to any organized religion is so that I don’t have to worry about waking up for church. I realize that I’m risking eternal damnation, but the idea of my alarm going off at 7:00am on a Sunday morning sounds enough like hell already that I’m willing to risk it.

Alright, enough self-condemnation. Let’s get on to an all-new, all-different Week in Tweets before I’m struck by a bolt of lightning!

5) Sweatpants Cher (@House_Feminist)

Being an adult is when you always want to be drunk but know you couldn’t handle being any sleepier so you hardly drink at all.

PREACH! I seriously can’t stay awake anymore if I have more than two drinks. Turns out that parenthood is the original roofie…

4) Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses)

Buying new clothes for kids is like putting new clothes on a werewolf just before they transform.

We’ve given up buying nice outfits for our three-year old son. He can’t go five seconds without staining his clothes. I watched him push a handful of dirt down his pants the other day, which was bad enough, but then he dumped a bucket of water on himself. He deemed his fashion invention “mud-derwear”. It’s admittedly a clever title but I don’t really think that Janie and Jack will be calling him anytime for style suggestions…

3) ruby (@rubyjnkie)

One of these days I am going to light my grill and burn my eyebrows clean off.

Sounds cheaper and no less painful than threading!

2) SuperSardonicTart™ (@SardonicTart)

Interviewer: What do you do to feel fulfilled?

Me: Mostly just eat stuff.

I’ll add this one to my list of overdue skill endorsements that need to be added to LinkedIn:

Eating Stuff
Dabbing
Sleeping In
Keeping It Real
Trusting Big Butts and Smiles

1) gokitty (@gokitty)

dear lord gnocchi is filling

“Lord Gnocchi” is my new favorite rap name…

Below is a pic of Oscar sleeping on my bed at night after being worn out from a long day of napping on my couch. Have a wonderful weekend everybody!

oscccnight

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The Week in Tweets – January 8, 2016

The expression “T.G.I. Friday” has been around since the 1940’s. To replace it with something more hip and current, I’ve come up with three new phrases that express delight about it being the last day of the standard work week:

Friday af.

Yaaaas for Friday.

Friday YEET!

My personal favorite is Friday af, but any are satisfactory. Alright, enough slang editorial, let’s get onto an all-new, all-different Week in Tweets!

6) Shannon Plush (@shannonplush)

An invention that turns your couch into your bed and brushes your teeth/washes your face for you.

If you can engineer it to wipe my butt too, I’ll definitely buy one!

5) Totes Awesome (@FrakkingAwesome)

Tan lines are the literal worst. I better not see anymore f*ckin tan lines in 2016! Or pestilence & famine, but mostly the tan lines…

Agreed! Here’s my updated list of the world’s worst problems:

1) Tan lines
2) Transnational terrorism
3) Climate change
4) People that pronounce expresso with an ‘x’
5) Kyle Ren and the Knights of Ren

4) 3M075 (@SamuelHLowe)

– I’m your son’s teacher and I’m calling to tell you that he may be a compulsive liar.

– And a damn good one. I don’t have any sons.

You know how some parents get indignant whenever a teacher tells them that their “little angel” has done something wrong? Well, I’m the opposite. I actually have a hard time believing them when they tell me that my son DIDN’T misbehave.

I mean, it’s not like he’s pure evil or anything. He’s just curious and a little bit mischievous…kinda like a Mogwai. And just like a Mogwai, whenever any of the three rules are broken – 1) do not get him wet (he hates baths), 2) don’t try to take away his iPad and 3) never run out of snacks– he can instantly turn into a rampaging Gremlin!

3 – tie) Martin Munson (@wickedimproper)

*hoverboards down the receiving line at a funeral*

Jake Weisman (@weismanjake)

Movies set unrealistic standards for how many dance offs you’ll have in your lifetime

It’s 2016, where’s my hoverboard dance-off?!?!?! #ThanksObama

2 – tie) aly (@WElRDAL)

Since October I’ve gained 10 pounds lmfao fuckin holidays

beezuskiddo (@beezuskiddo)

I was going to resolve to lose weight, but then I forgot and ate a cinnamon roll.

I was also going to resolve to lose weight, but then forgot and ate a cinnamon roll. And then I forgot that I had eaten a cinnamon roll and ate a donut…

1) It’s Kim! (@KimFreakinB)

Ok. Ok. I’ll watch “Making a Murderer”.

I’ve been feeling really left out of the loop since I’ve also not watched the show yet so I’ve resigned to start it tonight. I’m also long overdue in learning how to Dougie…

Below is a picture of kitten Rachel stretching out. Have a wonderful weekend everybody!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

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Pittsburgh Guest Blogger Event 2015

Welcome to the third annual Pittsburgh Guest-Blogger Event! This year’s affair is super-sized with forty bloggers taking part in total. I am thrilled to host Shannon, the wonderful woman behind A Librarian’s Lists & Letters. I was lucky enough to be able to guest blog (or more accurately, guest podcast host) over at the AP Collection, where I chatted with the lovely Genevieve about art n’at.

Don’t forget to check out all the other participants’ links at the end after reading Shannon’s awesome post!

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Last year during this blog swap I wrote about how I became an Unexpected Mother. There is a sweet and wacky little toddler that lives with us fifty percent of the time, though his mark is left on everything from our sad hearts, to the toy-littered floors, to the piles of laundry one-hundred percent of the time. A year out from my public discussion about being an Unexpected Mother, I’ve slept a little bit and learned a lot.

When I found out that my name was drawn for Alex’s blog this year, I sort of struggled with what to write about. Alex is wittier than me and doesn’t quit at yoga. He actually runs marathons, where I choose to just take long walks around my neighborhood. Plus he manages to eat a whole lot of pizza. Though I’m willing to bet that I have him beat on eating chips and salsa. Oh, and he’s a champion husband and father. Seriously, I’m in awe of how he’s managed to lean in and have it all. Have you looked at his Instagram account? He makes it all look so easy!

I can’t say that we have it that put together at our house. Being a parent who only sees their child fifty percent of the time brings about its own version of balance. And it’s filled with positives and negatives. But one thing I’ve realized is that fun certainly differs depending on whether we’re on-the-clock or off it. It’s not that one version is more fun than the other. They are, in fact, entirely different. But both are equally important to making a shared custody family and an unexpected relationship work. Even if I get overwhelmed by the amount of reminders on my Google Calendar or sad about the things we always inevitably miss, there is a whole lot of fun happening at our house.

Here is a list of activities that count as fun in our house. It’s just the life and times of shared custody. I’ll leave it to you figure out what happens when.

Dancing to Laurie Berkner.

Watching hockey, even though our beloved Pens are barely keeping it together.

Running in circles. Literally.

Running in circles. Figuratively.

Watching HGTV marathons.

Opening a bottle of wine and actually finishing it.

Chasing after the cat.

Roaring at trucks and cars.

Brunch.

Eat ‘n Park.

Taking long walks around the neighborhood.

Visiting the fish at the zoo.

Meeting friends for weekend drinks.

Building with Mega-Blocks.

Reading library books.

Kissing stuffed animals.

Sleeping in past 7:00 am.

Singing assorted nursery rhymes.

Push buttons.

Waive at neighbors.

Cook a meal that doesn’t involve pasta.

I recognize that having shared custody gives us a lot of free time* that parents who are with their children all of the time don’t seem to have. But we don’t really have the luxury** of calling up a babysitter for a night when he’s here. Every family has their struggles and triumphs. But even without this toddler in my life, I believe in living life with the goal of making good stories to tell. And having as much fun as you can.

*Free Time is something that everyone over the age of 25 chases. No matter how many children (or lack of children) live in your house.

**Babysitters by nature are a luxury item for parents. But when you only have a child half of the time, it seems harder to justify the cost and time away from family time.

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The AP Collection // Beezus Kiddo // Pittsburgh Happy Hour // Orange Chair Blog // In Pursuit of Simple // Lucy Quin // The Wheezy Runner // Pittsburgh is Beautiful // Last Minute Panic // The Almond Eater // A Body of One’s Own // Lunges, Long Runs and Lattes // Downtown Living // Emily Levenson // Parmesan Princess // Oh Honestly, Erin // Sole for the Soul // Crank Crank Revolution // The Pittsburgh Mommy Blog // Yum Yum PGH // Ya Jagoff // Gardening in High Heels // Sean’s Ramblings // Pittsburgh Taste Buds // The Foodtasters // My Blog n’at // The Fashionable Eye // jelly jars // Don’t Forget to Eat // Small Town Dad // Josh’s World // The Steel Trap // In Pursuit of Happiness // 101 Achievements // A Librarian’s Lists and Letters // Pennies, Pints, Pittsburgh // 30-Something therapy // Red Pen Mama // Nicky D. Cooks // everybody loves you…

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The Month in Tweets – January 2015

January is ovah! That means it’s time for all all-new Month in Tweets! After laughing your way through that, be sure to check out the super-cute pics of my friend Ali’s dog* Goose!

* I don’t know if she also has a goose named Dog but that’d be awesome if she did!


relationship status: wife got mad at me for me getting mad at her and now i’m apologizing…


i wonder if Skee-Lo ever got taller?

i dress forever 21 but i feel forever 81…

you never see sad people eating pizza…

getting in and out of the Target parking lot without killing anyone is easier said than done…

hungover at my desk listening to Marilyn Manson while pretending to work makes me feel like i’m back in high school…

sext: let’s go to Pizza Hut for the lunch buffet and eat until we pass out…

FYI – Chuck E. Cheese smells like pizza and sweat and not in a good way…

getting your ankles broke would suck, but i kinda still envy that guy in Misery who just got to hangout in bed all day and write…

dreaming about work should count as work…

drinking beer and lifting weights combines two of my favorite activities…which are drinking beer and listening to music…

i’m an outdoor cat stuck in an indoor cat’s body…

i wish “tap to snooze” worked on people…

being a stay-at-home mom would be great if you didn’t have kids…

just opened a can of cat food and some gelatinous goo sprayed me in the face so now i understand what you ladies have been complaining about

FYI – “going to Target on a Saturday afternoon” is the new “going to the club on a Friday night”…

weather forecast: boots with the fur…

i’m starting to worry that on one of these mornings my snooze button is going to hit back…

sext: let’s get a babysitter and then go to Target…

always follow your instincts…especially when they lead you to baked goods…


that feeling when you order takeout and they give you fours sets of plasticware but all the foods for you…


my computer must be broke ‘cause i keep hitting the escape key but i’m still here at work…

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