Tag Archives: kennywood

The Week in Tweets – June 17, 2016

It’s the freaking weekend baby and I’m about to have me some fun…at Kennywood! Tomorrow is my wife’s work picnic at “America’s Finest Traditional Amusement Park”, and I am very excited to blow my diet all to hell.

My son is still a little too small to ride much of anything, so my day will just consist of two activities – eating and walking to the next place to eat. My plan is to consume as much fudge, funnel cakes, Golden Nugget Dip-Cones, Dip-n-Dots, corndogs and Potato Patch fries as I can until the button on my jorts pop.

But before I undo every healthy decision that I’ve made all year, let’s get on to a food-centric yet calorie-free installment of the Week in Tweets!

11) Tony (@Tmoney68)

Found an old Big Wheel at a yard sale! The child in me said, “Buy it & ride it!” but the adult in me said, “Buy it, get drunk and ride it!”

The carefree recklessness associated with getting drunk is really similar to being a toddler again…especially if you end up peeing your pants.

10) Chocolate Moose (@moose_chocolate)

Monterrey Jack is my favourite cheese that sounds like it was named after a villain in a low budget Western

Colby and Brie are my favorite cheeses that sound like they were named after a set of fraternal Caucasian twins.

9) ssssss. (@semple42)

Is drunk-running a thing?

It is when you’re seventeen and the cops show up at Zelda’s Greenhouse…

8) Shellz (@HeyoShellz)

[during phone sex]

Him: Are you chewing?

Remember, you can’t spell intercourse without S-C-O-N-E!

7) LTB (@_Tempo11)

Neighbor: You look like you’ve lost weight

Me blushing: Thank you I’ve lost a lot of blood

I’d definitely be at my goal weight if it wasn’t for all this stupid blood…

6) Amy Dillon (@amydillon)

A 7-year-old boy is 80% crashing baby horse limbs and 20% Minecraft facts.

My 3-year old boy is 10% interrogations, 10% tantrums and 80% mac & cheese.

5) Sabina Kid (@SabinaKid)

I have Resting Kind Face. People still try to chat me up when I’m fantasizing about setting them on fire.

I’ve come to the realization that I only have three expressions – resting bitch face, busy bitch face and sleeping bitch face.

4) Nick (@NickC46)

Green tea tastes like it must be good for you.

Much like a visit to my parents’ house, green tea is much more palatable when mixed with a lot of alcohol…

3) The Bice Is Right (@Pro_Jones_)

Waiter: *grating cheese* say when




Waiter: Sir that was the entire block of cheese

Me: *leans in way too close* Go get another

I ordered a Tour of Italy back in March at the Olive Garden and left as the waiter started to grate the cheese over it. I’m thinking that it’s just about time to head back and say “when”…

2) Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer)

If throwing empty bottles of shampoo from the shower to the bathroom trash can were an Olympic sport, I’d be like, maybe a bronze medalist.

If “filling up empty bottles of shampoo with water because you’re too lazy to stop the shower to go get a new one” was an Olympic sport, I’d have more gold medals than Michael Phelps!

1) Jeannie (@JeannieG40)

I have very little in common with people who aren’t me.

Ditto! I also have very little in common with people who aren’t cats.

Speaking of cats, below is a pic of Rachel working on the railroad…all the live-long day. Have a wonderful weekend everybody!


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The Month in Tweets – April through August 2015

Welcome to a long overdue Month in Tweets! I’ve been as busy as a one-legged cat in a litter box so this post doesn’t just collect my best tweets from the past month, but also covers the highlights back through April.

Sandwiching my reveries are a couple of photos (front & rear) of my buddy Jaci’s canine companion Isadora. This adorable four year old French bulldog loves short walks, chewing on deer antlers, and barking out of the window during car rides to Gram and Pap’s. Squirrels are the primary target of her barking, which she absolutely hates along with having her ears cleaned. I can only imagine how she’d feel if she saw a squirrel holding a q-tip…


caprese salads are my favorite salads because they’re not really salads, they’re just f*ckin’ cheese…

Coco Chanel said “before you leave the house, remove one accessory” so i’m taking off my pants…

current status: planning my lunch while eating my breakfast…

everything my cat does is driven by laziness or hunger and i really respect that…

going to a kid’s birthday party that doesn’t have booze is like going to a swimming pool that doesn’t have water…

i ate a big burrito right before bed and then had a nightmare that i ate a little burrito…

i really hope that “yelling at old people who are holding up traffic to turn into church” isn’t a sin…

if texting while driving is illegal then a two year old throwing Cheerios at your head while your driving should be illegal too…

if this coffee doesn’t start working i may need an exorcism to get through the morning…

i’m all for supporting small business but my cats opening up a vape shop in the laundry room is a little too close for comfort…

in high school, i put more thought into deciding what outfit to wear to Kennywood than i did what colleges to apply to…

it’s not even 9am and my frustration has already reached “Danny Aiello in the Papa Don’t Preach video” level…

just guzzled a 5-hour Lethargy…

just pressed Left-Right-Left-Right B, A, Start on my Keurig and now i have unlimited coffee…

most bumper stickers make me cringe but i just saw a one that said “I Love My Grandcat” and i’ve never felt happier to be alive…

my Beachbody got swept out to sea…

new Smurfs for 2015 – Selfie Smurf, Vaping Smurf, Gluten-Free Smurf & Millennial Smurf (has 2 degrees but still lives with her parents)…

Outlook Auto-Reply: I’m in the office today but slightly hungover and extremely uninterested…unless there’s donuts in the break room…

“pooping” is really the only weight loss plan that i’ve been able to stick with…

sings “Jaaay-son DeruuulooOoOo” prior to starting Powerpoint presentation…

that’s not a tattoo it’s eczema…

the next episode of “Naked and Afraid” is just me stepping in the scale this morning…

today’s the day i shove a pop-tart into the keurig and pray for magic to happen…

updating my resume…does anyone know if there should be a hyphen between world and class in the phrase “world class ass”?

“waiting for the liquor store to open while wearing a swimsuit” means you’re either having a great day or your life has gone miserably wrong

waking up early but remaining unproductive all morning is the struggle i endure…

watching Cake Wars and wondering how we can expect humans to live peacefully when delicious desserts can’t even get along…

we bought a zoo…then i changed my mind and returned it but since i lost the receipt they could only give me Kohl’s cash…

yells “REMIX!” at your second wedding…


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The Week in Tweets – June 13, 2014

This weekend brings a landmark occasion – my son’s first trip to Kennywood! He’s only a year old so I don’t think he’ll actually be able to ride anything, but that won’t stop him from eating everything! Potato Patch fries and funnel cakes are an important part of every Pittsburgh kid’s diet, and we’re going to make sure our boy gets his necessary intake!

Alright now I’m hungry. But before we eat, lets get onto an all-new Week in Tweets!

5) amanda (@beepbeepamanda)

I’m going to have my name legally changed to “Sparkle”

I’d go with “Bounty” because it’s the quicker picker-upper…

4) sarah (@sarahrodeo)

Surely my blood is like 7-10% peanut butter at this point

So is mine! And the rest is mostly whipped nougat and milk chocolate…

3) Beckers (@AddledPixie)

About to give up on the hope of someday finding a treasure map in an attic.

“One-Eyed Willie’s treasure” is my new favorite euphemism for “vagina”…

2) Salamingia (@salamingia)

If there was 1 thing I’d change about me, it would probably be my underwear.

The other day when I was getting changed after work, I noticed that my underwear had a slight tear in them near the waist band. I thanked them for their years of service protecting my junk, and then tossed them in our ensuite’s garbage can.

Later that night, my wife saw them in the trash and immediately arrived at the conclusion that I sh*t myself. How embarrassing! Suffice it to say, I didn’t end up finding One-Eyed Willie’s treasure that night…

1) rosebud;!;! (@CashewSpell)

Remembering the dream I recently had about a bumper car ride except instead of cars it was stripper poles

I think they have that ride at Kennywood this year…it’s right next to Garfield’s BDSM Dungeon.

Below is another pic of Wolfie TacoCat. @GoKitty sent me a bunch of cute pics of him last week and it’d be a crime not to feature this awesome guy again. Additionally, I can’t help but smile every time I type “Wolfie TacoCat”…


Have a wonderful weekend everybody!

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Smoke BBQ Taqueria – Homestead Borough

I hate working on my birthday. Toiling away as a toothless cog in the corporate machine makes it impossible for me to believe I’m special. I really hate that hopeless feeling, especially on the one day where it’s acceptable to outwardly celebrate the fact that I successfully popped out of my mother’s va-jay-jay. My most recent birthday unfortunately fell on a Tuesday. Therefore my wife and I both burned vacation days to hangout together and properly rejoice in my existence.

After a hilly five mile run on the gritty streets of Upper St. Clair, we ventured out of the ‘burbs to try a restaurant I’d heard many great things about – Smoke BBQ Taqueria. Actually, I had never really “heard” any acclamations with my own ears. It’s much more accurate to say that I’d “seen” a plethora of glowing comments on Twitter, Yelp and Urbanspoon. Since I’ve yet to read anything on the Internet that isn’t true, I was rather excited to celebrate my birthday at the trendiest new foodie spot in Pittsburgh.

Smoke is located on East 8th Avenue in historic Homestead, a stone’s throw away from the sprawling Waterfront district. Despite its position on the main drag and our in-dash GPS navigation, we still ended up driving right past the place. After a few blocks of increasingly blighted storefronts, we doubled back and finally spotted the small, unassuming sign. We parked a little ways up the street and anxiously scurried past some shady characters on our way to the restaurant. I have driven down Route 837 countless times over the years while on the way to Kennywood, but this was the first time I set foot on it. The particular stretch that houses Smoke is one of the nicer blocks in this area. Regardless, the abundance of wig shops and check cashing joints still had my suburban-bred wife’s spider-sense tingling.

It was late afternoon on a weekday so there were multiple tables uninhabited. This was a good thing because the amount of overall seating was quite meager. There were just a handful of tables and a few stools in front of a makeshift taco bar. The quaint décor had a somewhat eclectic vibe with vibrant artwork and mismatched dining furniture. The most noticeable style element was the amount of negative space due to the high ceilings and sparse layout. This openness reinforced the relaxed ambiance and put me in the perfect mood to chill-out and stuff myself with tacos.

It was a long time since breakfast and I was famished by this point of the day. I eagerly put my food order in as soon as our welcoming waitress came over to greet us. I decided on Smoke’s taco versions of a Philly cheesesteak and pulled pork sandwich – mainly because they were the most indulgent-sounding selections on the menu. I tried the pork taco first and found it just adequate. The meat was tender and tasty, but the apricot habanero sauce and caramelized onions combined to produce an underwhelming topping. Certainly not bad, but not exactly a bold statement either.

The Philly taco was a huge step in the flavorful direction – mainly due to the aged sharp white cheddar sauce. This cheesy concoction was somehow both really delicious and really odd. I could easily see someone hating it due to the intense nutty tang and liquidy consistency, but I really liked it. Um, after re-reading that last sentence, I think its best we move on before I also admit that I enjoy watching America’s Next Top Model and give out the wrong idea that I’m anything but a happily married straight man.

The Wagyu brisket in the Philly taco had a hint of smokiness and stood up well to the aggressive cheese mixture.  The house-made tortillas were perfect vehicles for the substantial fillings of both tacos. They were buttery soft but far from delicate*. I was feeling sufficiently stuffed after two tacos but somehow still heroically found the wherewithal to finish off my wife’s scrumptious mac and cheese. It again was laced with some of the notable sharp white cheddar. This time the cheese was combined deliciously with it’s Italian cousin Mascarpone and some roasted garlic.

Final Call: After reading countless superlative-laden reviews heralding the amazing BBQ-meets-tacos cuisine of Smoke, my expectations going-in were sky high. The food ultimately didn’t change my life, but it was tasty. I will most definitely stop by the next time I’m on my way to Kennywood.

* Think Angela Bassett in How Stella Got Her Groove Back.

SMOKE barbeque taqueria on Urbanspoon

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everybody loves…traveling

Growing up economically disadvantaged unsurprisingly has many disadvantages, one of which is missing out on the opportunity to travel.  Between our lack of financial resources and my parents dislike of venturing anywhere further than a thirty mile radius around Pittsburgh, I pretty much never went anywhere growing up.  My summer vacations were spent mostly at Phillips Pool on the Southside with the occasional jaunt to Mineral Beach*.  The annual highlight was a visit to Kennywood and I was also lucky enough to go on a few trips to Idlewild Park when my mother’s company picnics were held there.  I can still close my eyes and almost taste those free ice-cream sandwiches.

The idea of traveling to Niagara Falls or Disneyworld or to England to see Big Ben and Parliament was an abstract concept as realistically attainable as visiting Mars**. I once had the opportunity as a freshman in high school to leave the country for a school trip to Canada but my English teacher barred me from it for acting up in class. I finally boarded an airplane at the ripe old age of twenty-one years old when my college girlfriends’ family was nice enough to take me to Florida for vacation.  Since then my travel has risen exponentially and I’ve had many more opportunities to visit new places for either vacation or work and I really love it.

The one part of traveling I don’t love is the act of flying.  I blame that mostly on not being exposed to the experience until well past my formative years.  Luckily it has gotten less stressful over time but I still fear that I’ll never reach the point of actually enjoying it.  Thankfully all of the lengthy flights I’ve been on lately have had headrest televisions so I’ve been able to pass the time distracted by such cinematic masterpieces as Crossroads, Grown Ups, and the Jaden Smith-starring remake of The Karate Kid***.

My wife journeyed around the United States and even to Europe with her family when she was a kid so traveling is a long-standing love of hers.  She planned a whirlwind tour of Europe for us this year and it was an awesome trip.  We covered four countries in two weeks and I’ll be posting about my trip experiences over the next month.  We really hustled to see as much as possible and even though it wasn’t the most relaxing vacation, we came back with a lot of great memories that will last a lifetime.  Unfortunately due to all the schnitzel, beer, waffles, chocolate and frites, I also came back with an extra six pounds around my mid-section.  Hopefully they don’t last a lifetime.

* Despite its name, Mineral Beach is no beach.  I haven’t been there in a long time and it may have had a make-over in recent years, but when I was a kid it was basically a crappy cement swimming pool with no sand or anything beach-like.  I wish I could go back and sue them for false advertising.  I also wish I could go back and sue my parents for giving me a perm when I was twelve years old.  Though not technically child abuse, it sure was damn close.

** The planet Mars, not the town in Butler County.  Though the town was probably too far to travel to as well.

*** I actually really, really liked this new version of The Karate Kid.  Crossroads, not so much.

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