The Week in Tweets – July 8, 2016

T.G.I. Friday!!! I’m rolling into the weekend fresh off a recent trip to Chicago for a family vacation. We had a good time, but as it is whenever you go on a trip with a toddler, it really wasn’t that relaxing of an experience.

As it turns out, going on a vacation with a kid in tow is kind of like getting a salad for dinner. Even if it has the freshest iceberg lettuce, creamiest blue cheese crumbles and most balsamic-est vinaigrette, it still isn’t a Crisp Braised Pork Shank, a Wing-O-Rito or Bang Bang Shrimp Tacos.

Regardless of the fact that my vacation days were less “wasting away in Margaritaville” and more “waking up at 7am to watch Paw Patrol”, we still had a lot of fun. I even found enough downtime to finish Daredevil Season 2, which I started watching wayyy back in March (#SpoilerAlert – Doctor Manhattan is behind everything!).

All right, enough complaining about my #FirstWorldProblems. Let’s get to an all-new, all-different Week in Tweets!

7) Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22)

If sitcoms in the 90’s taught me anything, it’s that a fat guy can marry a hot wife.

Or he can team-up with Jake to solve crimes!

6 – tie) Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective)

Which is worse: that I had to wear a Frozen bandaid cuz all the regular ones were taken or that I spent 5 min. deciding between Anna & Elsa?

Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom)

If there’s profession that involves pulling tampons out of a box and scattering them in a hallway, my toddler is going to make us rich.

I’m starting to think that my son is secretly bankrolled by Big Pharma. Whenever he needs a band-aid, he always rips open and discards at least thirty of them onto the bathroom floor before he finds one worthy enough to be applied to his boo-boo.

5) Ian Valentine (@IanValentine11)

I hope all of my teacher friends are having, and will continue to have, a terrible summer vacation.

I was talking to my sister (who’s a middle school principal) last week and she was going on and on about how the rainy weather has really been cutting into her pool days. I responded by telling her that I didn’t even know what the weather was like outside because I spend the majority of my daylight hours IN A WINDOWLESS CUBE FARM. The only things that I’ll be swimming in this summer are pivot tables so she’s definitely not getting any sympathy from me.

4) goose (@bryisms)

Think it’s a nap-in-the-shower kind of day

With what’s been going on in the world lately, it’s becoming a nap-in-the-shower year…

3) ♥ (@SMASEY)

Being fat has saved me from ever experiencing mono, STDs, or teen pregnancy.

The historically low levels of teenage pregnancy is the silver lining of America’s childhood obesity epidemic… #ThanksObama

2) beth loves cake, so (@bourgeoisalien)

the saddest part about self driving cars will be all the times people die mid trip and then ur dinner guests or pizza guy will arrive dead

I would be extremely sad if I ordered a pizza and it showed up along with a dead pizza guy. But not so sad that I wouldn’t eat the pizza of course. I mean, I wouldn’t want his death to stand for nothing now would I?

1) gokitty (@goKitty)

Ate some sketchy burrata from the back of my refrigerator. Details to follow.

“Sketchy Burrata” has replaced Nacho Libre as my favorite name for a Mexican wrestler.

Below is a picture of Oscar and Rachel snuggling. Have a wonderful weekend everybody and please be safe out there!

wit

 

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