The Week in Tweets – June 3, 2016

Let’s Go Pens! Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get on to an all-new Week in Tweets!

9) Buck4itt (@buck4itt)

We’re all just two or three Instagram filters from being the person we really want to be.

Do Instagram filters work on personalities? I could really benefit from X Pro II putting a nice soft edge on my passive-aggressiveness…

8) mark (@TheCatWhisprer)

Any time I see someone at my job with bad hair or makeup I immediately assume that person is an Undercover Boss.

I used to think that too but unfortunately it always just turns out to be someone from IT…

7) beth loves cake, so (@bourgeoisalien)

There should be a museum of good places to sit.

Yes! My first thought whenever I leave my house to go anywhere is “when can I sit down”.

6) Martin Munson (@wickedimproper)


“Can you hold scissors?”


“Welcome to SuperCuts”

Despite being known as the Arby’s of hair salons, I would have given anything for my parents to have taken me to SuperCuts when I was a kid. Alas, a combination of parsimony and blind faith in his own barbering skills meant that my Dad gave me the majority of my adolescent haircuts.

Compounding the disaster was the fact that I came of age in the 90s. I got to live through everything from the Joey Lawrence bowl cut to the Jaromir Jagr mullet to the shaved lines of Vanilla Ice…temples AND eyebrows! My Mother even joined in on the fun once and gave me a perm.

Though they saved a lot of money by avoiding hair salons, it’s now costing me thousands in therapist bills to deal with the childhood trauma…

5) ♥️ (@SMASEY)

I went into defense mood at this buffet and took every available crab rangoon and now I have entirely too many crab rangoons please help

“Too many crab rangoons” is definitely my new favorite #FirstWorldProblem…

4) Dirt McTurd (@DirtMcTurd)

Remember when people were excited about True Detective season 2, and then it came out LOL

I heard that the plot of True Detective Season 3 involves two neighboring county sheriffs in Arizona (played by Kevin Coster and Jennifer Lopez) joining forces to get to the bottom of whatever the hell True Detective Season 2 was about…

3) The Hay King (@btherr18)

Nothing better than a free cookie, but nothing worse than a bad cookie. On the whole, I don’t know how to feel about this free, bad cookie.

Free food actually don’t have any calories so I recommend that you always eat it regardless!

2) Paul Johnson (@thegoodgreatsby)

“Dance like there’s nobody watching.

Because your dance recital is the same time as your brother’s baseball game and we’re going to that.”

My son is only three so I’ve got a few years before every weekend becomes a continuum of scheduled activities and trust me, I am not looking forward to it. It’s not that I don’t want to support him, I do, I really do, just from afar. It’s the same stance that I take on all of the world’s affairs. I mean, I’m not actually going to vote or volunteer or do anything tangible to make the world a better place, but I am the first one to cheer when something good happens.

1) James Harness (@JamesHarness)

Don’t trust anyone who doesn’t know what it’s like to sleep a whole summer without air conditioning! They don’t know anything.

The best part of being rich is that I can afford for someone other than my Dad to cut my hair. The second is central air…

Below is a picture of Rachel and Oscar face-to-face snuggling. Have a wonderful weekend everybody!


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