The Week in Tweets – April 29, 2016

It’s Pittsburgh Marathon weekend and that means I’ll be spending the majority of my Friday and Saturday praying for good weather when I line up at the start line 7:00am Sunday morning. Currently the forecast is calling for 52⁰ and thunderstorms, which really sucks big donkey balls. Oh well, at least I’m only running the half this year so I’ll only be tortured half as much…

Alright, enough complaining, it’s time for an all-new, um, wait a sec, uh, actually I’m not done with complaining. There’s a clusterf*ck of road/tunnel/bridge construction going on right now in Pittsburgh. Therefore it’s going to take forever-ever to get downtown Saturday afternoon to pick up my race packet and then again Sunday morning for the actual event. I’ll probably end up running the 13.1 miles of my race faster than it will take me to drive the 9.8 miles to get downtown. #SMH

Now that I’m truly done with whining, let’s get on to an all-new, all-different Week in Tweets!

8) Nels (@NelsonIER)

I hate when patients rate their pain a 9 and yet they are just chilling. If your pain is a 9 I want to see some tears and the fetal position

I think that assessing pain on a 1-10 scale is just too broad and subjective. I’d eschew numbers altogether and just ask the patient which Kardashian best describes their discomfort. If they respond with anything other than “Rob”, they’re A-ok…

7) Captain Antagonist (@AnOrangeSNES)

The Baha Man never did find out who let the dogs out and yet everyone is pretending everything is okay.

I’m also concerned that Haddaway still doesn’t know what love is…

6 -tie) Salamingia (@salamingia)

Her: so what do you do for fun?

Me: *roars like chewbacca.

Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod)

Adulthood is just seeing how much you can get done while tired.

At this point in my life if someone asked me “What do you do for fun?” I would definitely have to respond with “sleep”.

5) aly (@WElRDAL)

Deliver to me a banana milkshake       

I believe that the full homily is: And lead us not into gas stations, but deliver us a banana milkshake…

4) neckless troglodyte (@boodjaboodja)

my feelings taste like frosted cherry pop tarts

Below is my Pop-Tart feels-o-meter:

Depressed – Unfrosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon
Disappointed – Unfrosted Blueberry
Indifferent – Strawberry
Satisfied – Blueberry
Surprised – Confetti Cupcake
Content – Chocolate Fudge
Overjoyed – S’mores

3 – tie) Mrs. Fitz (@PFitzpa)

Changing the setting on my camera to portrait to better capture the personality of this cheese.

lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren)

*eats a healthy meal*

good job let’s celebrate

*eats an entire block of cheese*

I once ate an 8oz block of HeluvaGood mozzarella cheese seven years ago and it still ranks as both my proudest and most regrettable achievement.

2) Lawyer Thoughts (@lawyerthoughts)

court: that was beautiful counsel.

me: thank you your honor, that was from Gladiator.

If I was a defense lawyer, I would just keep repeating “If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit” and “You can’t handle the truth” over and over again until my client was found innocent.

1-tie) Jackie Bouvier (@jackiembouvier)

I just stretched so hard I time traveled.

Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy)

Fitness instructor: Did you stretch?

*flashback to me struggling to reach the chips on the top shelf at the Mini Mart* “yes”

Along with reaching for chips, I also count putting on my socks, dabbing to Beyoncé’s Lemonade and wiping as acceptable stretches as well!

Below is a picture of Oscar looking stoic af. Have a wonderful weekend everybody and don’t forget to cheer me on Sunday morning in the race! #GoAlexGo

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